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ISSUE 3, JUNE 2022
GOOD MORNING AMERICA
YOUR WEATHER FORECAST
Notes on this Earth and beyond.
May include: microplastics in Chobani, waking up to an earthquake, White Christmas in South Texas, Bjork’s squid fetish, climate denial, climate anger, climate bargaining, climate depression, climate acceptance.
SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS
Notes on make-believe.
May Include: Pickle Rick bodypillow, Pickle Rick vibrator, Pickle Rick poster, Pickle Rick DeviantArt, Pickle Rick Funko Pop!, Pickle Rick lunchbox, Pickle Rick boy shorts.
Notes on the refuse of daily life.
May Include: not refilling the ice tray, leaving wet laundry in the washer, starting a compost, black feet detox, uneven application of tanning foam, getting in trouble in grad school for calling Marie Kondo “fascistic.”
Notes on the dramatic.
May include: the fall of Glossier, snitches getting stitches, blood, ten-year high school reunions, the fate of Jen Shaw, grocery shopping with your mom, Jack White fucking his sister, Marcia and Greg Brady’s sexual tension.
Notes on the things we're sold.
May include: following your dreams, presidential hopeful Mike Lindell, Joe Rogan switching to Spotify, that plain woman with giant boobs in every AT&T commercial, gay pride, food handler certificates.
Notes on the caloric.
May include: the amazing child chef of New York, beef fat candles, drugs, going to Weight Watchers with your mother, pre-ordering a turkey from Whole Foods, believing that gum sits in your stomach for 7 years.
Notes on the body in motion.
May include: being bossed around by an Apple Watch, tricking your boyfriend into exercise, forgetting to cancel Class Pass, blasting bra fat, remembering to cancel Class Pass, pretending that volleyball shorts are utilitarian.
5 O'CLOCK NEWS
Notes on the sensational.
May include: Elon buying twitter, Elon’s new gf, Elon’s mom’s beauty routine, celebrities holding hands without makeup on, deleting your menstrual app, presidential “elections,” plagues, ketamine therapy.
TABLOID TALK SHOWS
Notes on intervention.
May include: being addicted to reciting jingles, when your sister is really your grandmother, when your brother is really your mom, when your boyfriend is really married to his cousin, rehab sounding really nice actually.