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[RETURN TO COVER]

TV GUIDE

ISSUE 2, JANUARY 2021

CONTRIBUTORS

YOUR WEATHER FORECAST

Notes on this Earth and beyond.

May include: the Devil's Triangle, reincarnation, the rings of Saturn, the Dyatlov Pass incident, dolphins having sex for pleasure, ayy lmao, buying a star for your crush, adopting a highway.

[9:00 AM]

How dare you ask

Chia-Lun Chang

[9:30 AM]

No Star.    All Stars...

Ish Klein

[10:00 AM]

Four Poems

Julia Burgdorff

SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS

Notes on make-believe.

May Include: playing doctor, Sleeping Beauty getting fucked awake in the REAL Grimm's Fairy Tales, calling in sick, collaborating on a puff documentary about yourself for Hulu, science, Russiagate.

[11:00 AM]

PLAY DEAD

Jimmy Symington IV

[11:30 AM]

Memory Motel

Nick Pinkerton

DAYTIME TELEVISION

Notes on the refuse of daily life.

May Include: sweeping bugs under the rug, dehydration, accumulating cups in the bedroom, running out of olive juice (for martinis), sighing in the kitchen, singing in the shower, the Camden family and their lives in the fictional town of Glenoak, CA.

[12:00 PM]

Two Poems

Alan Gilbert

[12:30 PM]

Notebook

Mary Clark

SOAP OPERAS

Notes on the dramatic.

May include: interning at Teen Vogue, Brandi and Denise's bisexual moment, Zoom weddings, the death of Giggy, getting a filler infection from the Covid vaccine, a mother's guilt, unethical nonmonogamy.

[1:00 PM]

Lamprey

Ryan Petersen

PAID PROGRAMMING

Notes on the things we're sold.

May include: Mary Kay parties, the 2 MIT grads who developed a 7-question quiz to match wine to your taste, Phi Beta Kappa memberships, free trials, Jordan Peterson's Carnivore Diet, Christopher Nolan.

[2:00 PM]

Three Poems from Some Girls Walk Into The Country They Are From 

Sawako Nakayasu

SPORTSCENTER

Notes on the body in motion.

May include: the NBA baby section, buying rollerblades after your divorce, cardboard cutout fans, yoga instructors playing Alexi Murdoch, taking steroids the right way, taking steroids the wrong way.

[3:00 PM]

Prequel to Performance

Will Randick

[4:00 PM]

Screwjob

Adam Nayman

[5:00 PM]

Two Poems

Shyanne Figueroa Bennett

5 O'CLOCK NEWS

Notes on the sensational.

May include: Mr. Fauci on the cover of InStyle, Apple News headlines, Rudy Giuliani's failing endocrine system, falling in love with a stripper, collectively getting addicted to mushrooms, crying in the mirror.

[6:00 PM]

Two Poems

Adrienne Chung

TABLOID TALK SHOWS

Notes on intervention.

May include: Bhad Bhabie's surprisingly catchy music, being sent to Provo Canyon, you are not the father, you are the father, getting caught with your cousin at a family reunion, the coke bender that led to #WINNING.

[7:00 PM]

And the place was water

Sofia Majstorovic

RERUNS

Notes on things of the past.

May include: having "Bulletproof" by La Roux as your last MySpace song, grinding at the Boys & Girls Club, taking your rest cure at the sanitorium, the concept of Extra! Extra! Read All About It!, feeling proud of your military boyfriend.

[8:00 PM]

Party at The Get-Down Jones

Audrey Deng

[9:00 PM]

Two Poems

Joyce Mansour, translated by Molly Bendall

LATE-NIGHT TALK SHOW

Notes on conversation.

May Include: getting bullied in the group chat, jacking off to a podcast, coming out to your parents in a letter that doesn't get found, Hunter Biden sending dick pics to WeedSlut420, the "Three Kinds of People" rant from Team America.

[10:00 PM]

ASIF THIS IS IT 1

Anastasios Karnazes

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED

Notes on the erotic.

May include: the guy from Reddit who collected his cum in a shoebox, Yukio Mishima's breast fetish, asking questions, identifying as "Self-Employed," pristine pantyhose, office hours, smoking cigarettes, Tub Girl.

[11:00 PM]

Three Poems

Claire Dougherty

NODDING OFF

Notes on the hypnagogic.

May include: your nascent Tylenol PM addiction, keeping your girlfriend up with games of Chess.com, drunk driving, trying to listen to someone's acid trip story, getting hypnotized at high school events for some reason, death.

[12:00 AM]

Two Thrills One Yup

Your editors