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ISSUE 2, JANUARY 2021
GOOD MORNING AMERICA
YOUR WEATHER FORECAST
Notes on this Earth and beyond.
May include: the Devil's Triangle, reincarnation, the rings of Saturn, the Dyatlov Pass incident, dolphins having sex for pleasure, ayy lmao, buying a star for your crush, adopting a highway.
SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS
Notes on make-believe.
May Include: playing doctor, Sleeping Beauty getting fucked awake in the REAL Grimm's Fairy Tales, calling in sick, collaborating on a puff documentary about yourself for Hulu, science, Russiagate.
Notes on the refuse of daily life.
May Include: sweeping bugs under the rug, dehydration, accumulating cups in the bedroom, running out of olive juice (for martinis), sighing in the kitchen, singing in the shower, the Camden family and their lives in the fictional town of Glenoak, CA.
Notes on the dramatic.
May include: interning at Teen Vogue, Brandi and Denise's bisexual moment, Zoom weddings, the death of Giggy, getting a filler infection from the Covid vaccine, a mother's guilt, unethical nonmonogamy.
Notes on the things we're sold.
May include: Mary Kay parties, the 2 MIT grads who developed a 7-question quiz to match wine to your taste, Phi Beta Kappa memberships, free trials, Jordan Peterson's Carnivore Diet, Christopher Nolan.
Notes on the body in motion.
May include: the NBA baby section, buying rollerblades after your divorce, cardboard cutout fans, yoga instructors playing Alexi Murdoch, taking steroids the right way, taking steroids the wrong way.
5 O'CLOCK NEWS
Notes on the sensational.
May include: Mr. Fauci on the cover of InStyle, Apple News headlines, Rudy Giuliani's failing endocrine system, falling in love with a stripper, collectively getting addicted to mushrooms, crying in the mirror.
TABLOID TALK SHOWS
Notes on intervention.
May include: Bhad Bhabie's surprisingly catchy music, being sent to Provo Canyon, you are not the father, you are the father, getting caught with your cousin at a family reunion, the coke bender that led to #WINNING.
Notes on things of the past.
May include: having "Bulletproof" by La Roux as your last MySpace song, grinding at the Boys & Girls Club, taking your rest cure at the sanitorium, the concept of Extra! Extra! Read All About It!, feeling proud of your military boyfriend.
LATE-NIGHT TALK SHOW
Notes on conversation.
May Include: getting bullied in the group chat, jacking off to a podcast, coming out to your parents in a letter that doesn't get found, Hunter Biden sending dick pics to WeedSlut420, the "Three Kinds of People" rant from Team America.
VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED
Notes on the erotic.
May include: the guy from Reddit who collected his cum in a shoebox, Yukio Mishima's breast fetish, asking questions, identifying as "Self-Employed," pristine pantyhose, office hours, smoking cigarettes, Tub Girl.
Notes on the hypnagogic.
May include: your nascent Tylenol PM addiction, keeping your girlfriend up with games of Chess.com, drunk driving, trying to listen to someone's acid trip story, getting hypnotized at high school events for some reason, death.