Let life lay
on top
of life, falling asleep
texting you
next to you
please don’t do it
without
me, while I sleep
I am abandoning
my own
permission, like I think
you know how
I mean.
Can’t sleep without
the light
of my phone
on your face,
rolling in
a trance
I had to start
to watch
Episode 9 all
over again.
Robes in
a cavern
underground. I
could write it
all down
I could
write it all
over that
internal experience
like that. “Yooo I hope
when I die
I hope that
it’s forever.”
Texting that
to you
to fall asleep
next to you for me
not to, to
still abstain, I think how
you know.
iPhone in my
own hand like
the obligation to
live life
as its
own
placebo heaven
like a heavy planet
like the
light of the
phone on your face
at night.
I text you
“content addiction.”
I’m trying to move
past it
I think how
you know what
I mean
when I
write that.
Trying to go on
outlasting myself
after it
already as if.
Surviving the
gates
every survival
must say
I’m sorry
always
the face of survival
the face of apology…
I’m sorry
I’m vibing
not surviving
I’m survibing
this feeling I get
when I
text you back
immediately, scrolling
pictures of us
I saved
like I remember
how I love you
only in words.
I love when
we text
each other crying.
Yeah keep that
like that
life of its own
placebo light
on my
face
mirrored
from the
phone
as I write your
numbers on my leg
to count
I start to
music
videos instead.
I started
loving you
forever just now
as I lost my
place in the song
the video
is about. If I start it
over again, the
video about
the song
about you sleeping,
reading in
like sleeping
through
the way of reading.
I read too fast like
holiday.
It’s so beautiful
to read
forget
like hate
scrolling
votes or counting prayers
for the end
another phone
to take
a picture of me
on
the phone with
this phone. Watch
my desktop save
the files
that save me from
the nothing
I’ve become. Love
survives itself
as misreading
a cat
gnawing my USB
I forgot
as sharing and
saving
are just
metaphysics.
 
             for Alan Darth Gilbert