A note from your editors

We should just write like we’re having a conversation in the same room?

We’ve been in the same room for weeks, but haven’t been able to write like we’re doing right now.

We’ve had so many conversations maybe it would be good to just write them down.

Oh why is that? My throat is sore from speaking every conversation!

My face is tired from trying to maintain rapport! What do you think about rapport anyway, do you have it?

I have rapport. Yeah sure I have rapport. I have enough rapport to go around.

It’s kind of like we’re texting but in a google doc I guess. I just thought I saw you texting somebody else. Yeah I don’t have rapport I’m trying to learn about it.

I am in the midst of developing rapport with some others, right here in front of you, while we are on this google doc. I’m shameless. I’m a rapport whore.

Do you have tips for someone like me? What kinds of questions do you ask in the dead space?

An easy way out of dead space is noise, any noise. I end up making noises and most guys think it’s good enough.

Ah yeah I’ve been making new kinds of noises from being in the same room as you for so many weeks.

I’m not sure if you could surprise me at this point, but if you could: that’s rapport.

Ok, idk. Dammit.

Don’t swear, no one likes that from girls with hair. I’m sorry.

I don’t have much hair anymore.

Many people are saying this. That they don’t have hair anymore. It might be a side effect of no rapport.

I do associate having baby thin hair with having almost no rapport, yeah.

If I check my phone one more time it’s going to turn into a baby, swear to God.

Did you post that pic?

I did not. I edited that space between your nose and chin with the "detail" feature. No one knows this trick but me (rapport).

I have never used that trick and I also don’t have rapport. Should we tell everyone what we’ve been doing everyday instead of working on RECLINER?

Absolutely, yeah I’ve gotten in the habit of taking three hours to get in a mental headspace to work out. I love, love Love to walk around the house for miles and miles doing sock tricks and tiny smiles for my coworker (boyfriend) until he says "go workout!" He hates the way I move.

I love watching you do this! I love waking up and making coffee and complaining about how it has no caffeine and then pretending your dog is my baby and that takes up every day. I love it in the desert and also on the hikes and when we make martinis.

Every martini is a gift, television taught me this! Something to look forward to at the end of a long day. Every day is so long now. It’s really crazy. I hope a scientist looks into that instead of "can you catch covid twice" because the obvious answer is...who cares?

If days weren’t long nobody would have rapport. It's so important for days to be long so we have something to talk about. One time somebody told me it’s a pity my arms aren’t as long as my legs.

You look so smart when you smile, Claire.

You look so smile when you’re being smart sofi :) sorry, Sofia.

Someone should protest me. Like say I shouldn’t be doing any of it? A sign that says "Make Sofi stop all of it."

All women do is talk about protesting themselves. Bring Josh a glass of wine.

He’s starting the grill now, another man with rapport. If I had a Sacagawea coin for everytime my boyfriend got the grill going!

If it weren’t for Josh I don’t think we’d even be doing this, we’d be watchingThe OC.

If it weren’t forThe OC, I wouldn’t know how to find a boyfriend, so it all comes out in the wash I think!

Having never watched The OC, I never learned rapport, and now I’m definitely enjoying it but I think it’s all a bit too late for me anyway.

You’re absolutely behind, but we can use this to your advantage. All we have to do is get Kristen Cavallari to do the Masterclass on "getting guys obsessed with you" and Marissa Cooper to do the Masterclass on "wearing a wedding dress as a 16-year old and standing by the ocean SHIVERING during cotillion until some guy comes out and hands you a Versace blazer."

I like shivering for attention of course but I think what I’ve been doing wrong is shivering outside where it’s already cold. I think if I shivered in the living room where it’s a comfortable temperature people would have to be worried.

Guys get really excited by a girl shivering, it says so much about the girl. It says that they have almost no blood (hot) and that they don’t really mind appearing blanched and weak (death).

Tubercular! You can tell I have too much blood running through me, it’s disgusting.

Sorry I’m not listening to you anymore. My friend Little Kev is coming to Joshua Tree I just saw on Twitter. We could link with them if we want to do drugs other than mushrooms for once. I really love mushrooms though.

I love mushroom. I don’t know if I remember Kev but that sounds fun! Sorry, mushrooms.

He is a neuroscience PhD and I just love doing drugs with those types because if they condone it it’s like hey man let’s all just be ourselves!

If he’s doing drugs knowing what he does about the nervous system, I trust that. Everybody is calling Kevin "Little Kev."

That’s Little Kev all right. He just messaged me "let’s do it some other time" because the people he is meeting like, don’t want Covid? Or maybe they already have it. Maybe we all have it. I’m changing my name to I Already Had It.

Oh interesting, I keep forgetting about Covid. I think now that I’m thinking about it we might have it and that’s what’s been keeping us from writing.

Anything could keep me from writing. A sunny day, a wonderful breeze, leftover beans, my boyfriend’s smile (rare).

Anything could keep me from writing. Cold pasta, The OC, thinking about answering a call from my old boss, martinis, your dog.

My dog likes being yours too but he sees so many other people that you should get tested. Not for Covid!

I’m on it. I just tested my enneagram and it’s telling me I’m the narcissist one.

That word means nothing these days. It’s like empathy, narcissism, Covid Pos, Covid Neg, I don’t know, don’t care, where are the mushrooms, which person over the age of 40 wants to mentor me, like don’t give me any advice just tell me that I’m talented, talented, beautiful.

I tell you you’re talented and beautiful and you don’t care.

Well we don’t have rapport honey. What we have is mutual respect. Which is deeper than affection. Affection breeds rapport. Respect is for the recipient only, not the giver! It is really challenging to respect someone. I’m honestly a genius for pointing that out.

I’m trying so hard to understand right now I feel like I’m doing math trying to understand the relationship between rapport and affection.

Part of your issue is thinking that people believe what they’re saying. You need to do more cardio.

That’s actually the truest thing you’ve ever told me.

I miss being true.

Nobody means what they’re saying. I understand everything but I don’t know how to explain it.

Boys and girls with graphic tees from charity runs have facts. Women have feelings and impressions as well as Bacterial Vaginosis which almost NO one talks about.

I was actually googling Bacterial Vaginosis today. We’re reading each other’s minds. I was forcing myself to masturbate so I could feel something and I noticed some extra stuff inside me.

I love noticing the extra stuff! It’s usually normal, like mainly I think it’s the cells that would turn into a baby if we didn’t have three martinis/night?

Thank god we know how to make martinis because I’m not ready.

I’ve been ready to have children since I was 12 but almost everyone still thinks that my best is yet to come (boobs).

I think you could have children today and they would survive. I, on the other hand, too busy developing rapport.

You might have rapport with your children. I hope you do. If not, I think they will end up like Genie the feral child from psych class. So sad what happened to her.

You’re right, I should have a child and then I would know about rapport. I think my child and I would definitely have rapport. Actually I feel like weirdly we would like each other.

I think you would like your children. I mean, if you don’t then they will make a scary movie about you. So try your best. Enjoy the second issue of our magazine. It’s 8 months late. I’m 8 months late. I’m pregnant. With this issue.

Me and this issue have munchausen's.

Me and this issue have munchausen’s by proxy which many people are calling "Mother’s Rapport."

Don’t you want to take your mommy on a date?



Claire & Sofia